I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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