Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
