we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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