Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
