i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
