aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
