it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
