we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
