I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
