Need sex. Gaining weight.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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