We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
