I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
