the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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