He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize