I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
