Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
