New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
