I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
