Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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