at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
