Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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