Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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