Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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