So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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