That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
