I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
