my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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