so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I am naked and annoyed.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
