omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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