Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize