She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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