then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
