Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
