why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you never un-have a 4some
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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