remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
