Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
