Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
