Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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