a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
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