I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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