I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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