Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
