I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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