I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
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Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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