I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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