I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
