Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
