I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
