my soul wont recognize me after tonight
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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