Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
