I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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