oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
