mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
