soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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