he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
