I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
