Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
