Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
