I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
