omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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