respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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