Define "chronic" masturbator.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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