ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize