I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
