dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
