Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
