A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
