PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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