Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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