if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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