Girls should come with a carfax report
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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