I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
