i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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