I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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