My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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