it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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