i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
