I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
