About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
