Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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